New Camera on the way…

wow… I am just on a spending binge here aren’t I?

I love my current Camera (Canon G9)…

but well… I have long desired more “Umph”… I just love photography and I want to do more and as great as the G9 is… it is a P&S and has its limits…

So I decided to take the plunge and sacrifice any gifts for my birthday, Xmas, Valentine’s day,Mother’s Day, Anniversary etc for as long as it takes to get my hands on a nice DSLR…

I love Canon… so for a long time I had eyed the XT… then the XTi… and then of course the Xsi… and the higher level ones of course but always knew they were not in my range (especially price wise!)…

I started looking for prices on the XTi and XSi but I kept my mind open because I wasn’t 100% sure yet…. and then I saw the Nikon d80… another great looking camera…

So I was torn for quite a while between the XTi or XSi and the d80…. and I was about to choose the d80 but kept looking and went through every online review that I could find which is when I started to see the Pentax mentioned…

not much… but just enough to get my attention..

So I started looking more into it and realized that it was the choice for me…

So the new Camera? The Pentax K20D

What made me choose… it has tons of features, it is weatherproof, has the anti-dust and has the image stabalization in the camera so that you don’t have to buy more expensive IS or AV lenses and most importantly the images look amazing…

This is not classed as an entry-level DSLR… it is a semi-pro but priced in the entry-level range….so I will have the chance to not only grow into it but stay with it for quite a while…

Of course then I needed to choose a lens… I decided to get the camera with a kit lens on special at cameracanada.com which gives me the Pentax 18-55mm lens…but for the upcoming trip to BC I wanted to have a bit more than 55mm and while searching for lenses for all the cameras I was looking at the 18-250mm Tamron kept popping up… and not only does it have amazing reviews as a great walkaround “most purpose” lens and especially good for travelling…. it also has macro which is something that I really want also…

So both the camera and the lense were ordered just a few hours ago and because it is coming from Ontario it should be here within the week…and in time for Xavier’s Birthday party on Sunday…

I am SO excited!!

I bought clothes…

ok… ok… maybe not that news worthy to some… but for me who never buys clothes… well it is something worth mentioning…  honestly…

I have never spent so much in one day on clothes in my life!!! actually I have never even spent 1/3 of what I spent yesterday…

I really needed it though…

All of my clothes were too big…

I was at the mall a few days ago and I had Khéna on my back and Xavier was telling me that my shorts were falling down and when I checked they were half way down my bum… I was waiting to lose a little more weight before I bought a few things but  It just hit me that there is no more delaying it…

So… I started trying out clothes and at first was looking at the sizes that I am used to…

A few months ago… I was wearing a size 22-24 so I started looking at those but then realized that I was there because it didn’t fit anymore… so I asked an employee what size she thought I was and she said 18… so I tried one on and yep!!! 18! I can’t believe that 30 pounds took that much off!!

So I bought…

-2 new bras ( and I mean real bras… not nursing… REAL…. I haven’t bought a real bra in about 7 years!… my boobs went from droopy and navel gazing to HELLO THERE!!!)
-clear straps for the bras to wear with my spaghetti strap tops…
-2 tank tops
-2 t-shirts
-denim bermudas
-Khaki bermudas
-a pair of jeans
-black shorts
-lounging pants
and a bathing suit…

you can just imagine what I spent…

But… I wanted to cover all of the basics… so that I can use what I have in my closet that still fits and also everything I bought is mix and match…

It felt so weird spending all that money on clothing for me…

and I have to admit that I kind of even liked trying on new clothes that fit well and make look and feel pretty good if I may say so myself…

Eating alone together with a stranger…

Last Friday I decided to head to Montreal to see an old friend who had a photography/art exposition… I picked Simon up at work and we headed up to St-Denis and Deluth and I found a parking space right away which is always a nice thing…

We headed to the gallery to make sure that she was there and Simon and the boys stayed for a few minutes and then went out to eat together… I stayed and talked and looked for a while and then went looking for them… Since they had eaten and I hadn’t I decided to go my favourite restaurant in Montreal… ChuChai

Simon and the boys went for a walk and to check out a store and I sat down on the terrasse and ordered something to drink while I looked at the menu… I knew what I was going to eat but I was wondering about the entree so I asked for a suggestion from the waitress… so I got the breaded crispy seaweed with sweet and spicy sauce…and ordered the tofu with peanut sauce and crispy spinach and sticky rice for the main meal…

I people watched and took a few pics while I waited… Though I love to eat out with a friend or with the family, I really don’t mind dining alone.

I got my entree and started…. omg it was amazing!!!

just when I started to eat a man sat down at the table beside me… he had brought a bottle of wine and the waitress uncorked it and served him and asked if he wanted to keep the cork and he said yes and he made a joke that he couldn’t finish it without help unless someone helped and then offered me a glass… I laughed it off but he asked again and I decided to take him up on his offer… the vibe that I got off him was just a nuce guy vibe…

So we ended up talking through the whole supper… he has three grown kids and 3 grandkids… he is a teacher for adults who don’t know how to read and need basic skills to work…

There were moments of silence that were not at all awkward because we were just two strangers eating alone next to each other…

I got my main course and forgot to take a pic… next time I will try though because the food there is worth the trip to Montreal….

I finished up and then headed to the car to meet Simon and we started to head home…

It was a night like that night that I miss living in Montreal… people watching, meeting nice people, eating amazing food and walking on streets full of life…

Plateau…

I am on a plateau right now… still hanging around 223-224…

The pool went into Summer hours and it makes it a lot harder to go… I would have to leave the minute Simon gets home to get my hour in… which would mean that supper would have to be done completely before Simon gets here… (I often use the time Simon gets home to go into real action with supper…) and that I would not be able to eat with the family… or eat a hot dinner…

I need to get walking more… or biking or something… I need to get off of this plateau and start losing again…

Guilt…

What is it about guilt and parenting?

When I think of guilt I think that it is the feeling that you get when you know you are choosing to do something that you shouldn’t do, or know that is not the best choice. Guilt is something that is so personal and no one can make you feel guilty if you know that there are no other choices or that you are doing the right thing.

In the breastfeeding, birth, parenting and all the other debates the subject of guilt always come up… we must not talk about the importance of breastfeeding ,natural birth, gentle parenting, the benefits of baby wearing or co-sleeping and so-on because we might happen to make someone feel guilty…

That is completely absurd though…

Why not be able to speak the truth just because someone might have to face the choice they made?

Yes, there are of course those that could not breastfeed for whatever reason and some reasons of course are completely undisputable and many are simply because of lack of knowledge or support. Some may just not know better not to hit their children because they don’t know about alternatives, or had made their kids CIO because they thought it was best or the only choice they had…

But then I go back in that case to what feeling guilty is… it is feeling remorse for doing something that you know was not the best choice. However, If that choice has been taken away from you, then you may feel sadness, you may feel anger at the situation but you should not feel guilt… and if you made the choice that you thought was best at the time but later find out that you could have chosen better then there is no point in feeling guilty either… you cannot change the past but at the very least you can make different and better choices in the future or try your best to correct your mistakes… and not only should guilt not be felt but it should be important to get the right information out so that others do not go down the same path.

It is therefore important to talk about the importance of certain choices. There is no debate in the fact that formula is not equal to breastfeeding and that the lack of breast milk and the use of formula can cause sickness, diabetes, obesity, cancer, asthma and even death. Being unable to breastfeed must be hard to say least but there is a complete lack of milk maids in our society and time… and a lack of breast milk banks… and because those are not available, then formula is the next choice. Yes, it is not the best… but it is also no longer a choice… and it is the best you could do and it was done with the best intentions.

Of course there are those that do believe that formula is equal… or “just as good” as breast milk… or those who believe that not spanking is permissive parenting and that kids are not capable of being taught right and wrong without violence… or those that believe that kids just need to cry themselves to sleep because if not they will never learn how to fall asleep otherwise. But those are not the people that are likely to feel guilty, just as I will never feel guilty about breastfeeding, choosing not to spank or co-sleeping…

There was a time that I had no real qualms in feeding my children foods with harmful chemicals such as food dyes or artificial flavouring, I was watching out for other things that I did not want to feed them and thought that I was making good choices… and there are other choices that I made that I also did with the best intentions but now know better…

I do feel remorse for some of the choices I have made and I believe that I still experience the consequences of those choices at times… but I can’t change what I once did and did with good intentions, and I won’t stop someone from talking about those things even though it might make me remember my past choices… I can however work on repairing the damage and making better choices in the future… so I do not feel guilty and if I do then it is a sign that I need to work on forgiving myself and keep striving for better…

Anyway… my point is that I am tired of not being able to talk about things just for the fear of making someone feel guilty. Stating facts or sharing personal experiences is not something that people do to make others feel guilty (nor is it a direct judgement on others that don’t make the same choices… but that is another post…

If you feel guilt then it is up to you to look at why and see what you can do to change that. Either by accepting that you made the best choice with the best intentions with the best knowledge you had at the time or that you can change something now or in the future to rectify it and feel better. I just wish that people could own their own feelings instead of trying to making others hide their feelings or hide the truth so that they just don’t have to think about it…

child-led living…

In many circles, in real life and online, I have come to see that many people seem to believe that Unschooling and child led living go hand in hand when really they can be and are quite separate. It is easy to think however that one equals the other, as it is true that many families that practice a child led learning method such as unschooling do extend the child led ideology to all aspects of life. However, it is not something that all unschoolers believe in and child led living is not at all unique to unschooling.

There are many families that are child led and use public school, as there are many unschoolers that believe that child led learning is the best way to learn but believe that family dynamics are very different.

Personally, child led living is not something that I strive for which seems to surprise many people.

I believe that in a family the parents are the leaders, we are the ones with life experience, we are our children’s guides through the beginning of their lives. We are showing them the way and teaching them the skills to love and thrive. However, it remains important to remember that as parents and guides, we are not dictators, children deserve respect, they have a voice, they have a right be listened to and though they may not have all of the control it is not taken away from them completely either…

Mutual respect, consensual living, unconditional love, non-coercive and gentle parenting are the keys…

I think that there needs to be a balance in a family and the more we are the more we have to work as a team. There are times that some might not be happy, and in those times we do our best to help through the transition and work through those feelings.

If we need to leave from the park and someone is not happy, I will not stay there and wait until they are ready, however, I will also not say that I am leaving and instil the fear of abandonment just to get my point across. There are many ways to talk to kids, to help them with the transition of going… there are some kids that are easier than others and there are some that give you a run for your money and having 3 very different children there are times that you really need to get creative and yes there are sometimes tears… but with those tears there is always support.

The thing is… kids are not always 100% right and they do need guidance… but parents are not always 100% right either and we need to remember that kids often know more about what they need than we give them credit for. As a family there are times that we all have to make sacrifices and there are times that the right thing for one is not always the right thing for the other and it is not always the child that gets their way, but it is also not always the parent… I might want my kids to sleep at a certain time so that I have some time to myself…. but if they are not tired then why should they be forced? However, that time needs to be quiet because there are others that may be sleeping and evenings are quiet time around here…

It is that fine balance that seems to be so hard… guidance but not control… letting go of arbitral expectations and letting kids have their say without making them having total control either…

Really though….

Being a parent is hard and being a child is hard also… so my goal is to make it easiest for all of us and of course we always strive for better.

Heading out west…

Well it is official!

I just bought tickets for BC yesterday!

No, we’re not going to live there, not yet anyway, but we are going out for a vacation.

I am so excited! We leave on July 24th and Simon will be back on the 14th of August because he has to go back to work, but I will be back about a week or two later… I asked my dad to come house sit while we’re gone and to take care of the cat. I feel better knowing that someone will be here to watch out for the house.

On August 2 we have a big reunion party in Nelson, and I can’t wait to see people that I have not seen in years. I also can’t wait to see my really good friend that lives in Nanaimo and whom I speak to everyday but I have never met in real life. I am also looking forward to see my mom and for her to see the boys, and I think the boys are looking forward to seeing her too. There are so many things that I am looking forward to on this trip!!

Another cool thing is that my mom is renting us a car while we are out there. So we will be able to travel freely and at our own rhythm with the kids while we go from Vancouver to Nelson and back.

Now to get things ready for the trip…

I think we have a lot to do!

cough… cough…

I have been coughing for more than a week now… I first had a cold and then the coughing started.. I am pretty sure it is bronchitis.. something that I used to get a few times a year… when I was younger I was dragged to the doctor only for him to say that there was nothing to be done… or give antibotics which couldn’t help anyway because it is most often caused by a virus… So I am waiting it out… days are getting easier and I am coughing less but nights have been hard… the coughing has been waking me up and my lungs hurt and all the muscles around my torso hurt… At least no one else has it though…

the scale is moving…

but I don’t really believe it yet…

Not expecting to attain my first goal so soon, I let it go by without noticing, or acknowleging it…

I started my weightloss journey at what I thought was about 240 pounds around xmas… I started to swim in feb and started getting serious about losing in April… By then when I would get on the scale I could sometimes get it to read 228… Then I got the new scale and really I was 13 lbs heavier… Meaning 241… Which in turn means that I started off my journey at 253…Almost the same weight as I was before I lost weight before getting pregnant with Xavier…
So… With knowing my real weight my first goal became to get down to where I thought I was before getting a better scale… 228… I was nearly there about two weeks ago and thought about being so close…but then I got AF and my weight stayed up a bit…and l though I weighed myself, i didn’t really register the weight… Until I weighed myself the last few days and I am now at 223…5 lbs less than my first goal and down about 30lbs from the begining of the year… I am feeling great and i am starting to notice a big difference.. So first goal done!…next goal is 208.. My lowest adult weight to date…. Just 15 lbs to goal!! I can’t believe it… though i am starting to see the difference in the mirror..

New Computer!!

Simon and I both got new computers!

Simon’s computer was about 6 years old and he was needing to manually start the fan on it often and my laptop, though newer has had a few accidents and was holding on by a thread… or a usb… with tape…

So after searching quite a bit Simon found a great refurb HP m8300f on sale at Future Shop… we sat on that for a few weeks until we finally decided to go for it… plus a screen for me… Ordered them on Tuesday and yesterday morning three boxes arrived at our door step!

OMG! I love it!!

First, it looks sleek… Really nice.. and it is fast, has tons of storage, built in card reader and is really nice to use…

We are trying Vista and knock on wood… everything is pretty good with it…

Looking at pics on my new screen is great also… I can’t wait to do some editing and be able to see the pics that much better…

I love getting a new toy!